frust tonggeng-tonggeng..

as usual.. aku duduk kat bilik hujung aras aku ni.. al-maklumlah.. bilik bukan kemain lagi panas.. rasa cm ada dalam bilik yang dikipas oleh 1000 siput babi.. lembab nk mampus.. bilik hujung ni sedap.. plus, angin selalu tiup.. so memang favourite port la.. sampai idayu pun da panggil aku budak 'homeless' sebab asyik lepak kat bilik terbiar tu je.. takpelah..

nak dijadikan cerita..


tadi hujan.. n bumbung bilik tu bocor.. (antara satu faktor kenapa idayu panggil aku budak 'homeless'.. sbb bilik tu bumbung da bocor, langsir tercabut, tingkap da pecah..) kebetulan.. laptop aku dekat ngn tempat bocor tu. maka dengan kelam-kabut nya aku berkerja keras untuk mengubah laptop aku.. dan aku terlupa satu fakta bahawa hard disk aku ni bersambung dengan lappy ak.. dan aku pulak hanya teringat nak selampatkan lappy aku.. maka.. kecepek! jatuh la hard disk aku yang adik aku belikan untuk aku.. 500gb.. rm300 lebih.. terkedu sekejap ak... huk3... setelah berjaya dibawak lari segala barang2 elektronik aku.. aku cuba la pasang.. tengok2 laptop aku detect tp dye tak read.. aku try kat laptop org lain pun sama..

so...

ptg tu aku gagahkan diri nk gi ke centrepoint, nak suh yang pakar harpik komputer untuk cek kan... dan dye bg aku satu berita yang buat aku rasa nak menjerit je satu CP tu..


"sorry ar, dah xleh pakai ar awk punye ni. awk beli baru je la"


memang taktaw nk kata ape dah.. hati ni macam kena pijak2 je ngan gorilla.. huh.. sedeyh.. terasa sucks gila hidup aku ni.. huh.. stres2.. tapi aku taw.. semua benda ada hikmah dye.. dan aku taw hikmah Allah S.W.T jahanamkan hard disk aku sebab dye nak suh aku fokus lebih kat belajar and jangan nak merapu... jadi.. walau ati ni still rase sedeyh and tak puas ati.. aku tetap ucapkan.. alhamdulillah.. atas ujian yang Engkau berikan pada hambamu yang lemah ini...

keserabutan..

hehhe.. aku baru perasan.. aku selalu tulis pasal keserabutan aku kat blog kan? kesian dkat seisapa yang baca blog aku sbb nanti takut terjangkit plak ke'negativiti'an aku.. hehehe..tp xpe.. lau korg seronok baca ape aku bebel bagusla.. hahahaha.. tersenget sekejap.. anyway.. nak cite ni..  ade a 3 kittens ngn mak dyorg yg sangat2 kawaii duk menetap kat aras aku since bebudak IB yang duk kat aras 2 tu dah blah n takleh nk jaga dyorg.. so dyorg pun melepak la kat aras aku.. n siyes.. sgt comel!!!!!!!!! geram.. rasa nk makan2 je dyorg ni.. nk tgok my fevret kiten? jeng jeng jeng..

my baby..

hehehe.. jgn risau... tiada anak kucing yang mati semasa aktiviti penggambaran berjalan langsung..

hehehe.. comel sgt2... geram. huhuhu.. me da malas nk pikir pape.. wat serabut kpale otak je.. betol x?

i take as it comes.. tp emosi memang da rosak terok la, i must admit.. banyak org yang tak bersalah selalu kena marah.. huhuhu.. smalam, hari ni.. yeah. saya memang x senonoh.. huhuhu... gomenasaii!!!

k la.. tolong doakan maths ak yang exam ari jumaat ni.. taw!

pulang ke rumah!

hehehe...
salam guyz..

i think balik umah this weekend might be a really gud remedy for a broken soul..
i feel a lil bit so much better eventhough i did fought with my mom and stuff like that..

now, y am i happy?

i balik kampung!!!! now, some might think that this is probably nothing, and yeah, u r probably right. but for me it's a big deal.. i bleh kira brape kali dalam setahun i balik umah nenek, minus Aidilfitri. so u can see why i feel great.. cause i am freaking estatic to meet my beloved granny!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahhaa...

ha.. ni my nenek and my abah.. n i'm proud to say that i'm a javanese which is JAWA (u noe that kan?) hehehe.. my nenek gorengkan piang for me and i really like it.. i love u nenek!!! ehehehe

spent some time with my mommy.. feels good to hugher.. although kitorang argue stuff about me wanting to go to work, me wanting to getaway with my beloved HAXIMA ( which of course, sume nye kena reject mentah2 by my mom). but hey.. at least i get something good out of it.. my mom bg i pergi dinner! whee..

haha.. k la.. doakan ak bleh blajar n score exam k.. :)

hakikat..

hakikat itu kadang2... pedih.. menyakitkan.. dan sukar diterima..

walaupun aku dah cuba untuk lupakan Mr. X.. tapi hakikatnya aku tak mampu nak lupakan dye.. dye segala2nya untuk aku.. dyelah tawaku.. dye tangisku.. dye tempat aku bertenang.. dye juga tempat ku gelisah.. dye kawanku.. dye juga musuhku.. dan dye kekasih ku.. dan aku disedarkan dengan hakikat ini oleh kaunselor aku.. yang aku masih tak mampu nk let go of Mr. X.. dan aku taktaw sama ada aku mampu atau tak untuk melepaskan dye pergi.. (T.T)

aku dah cube untuk go on hidup ak dengan senormal mungkin tanpa ade pengaruh Mr.X dalam fikiran atau emosi aku..

tapi aku sedar.. hati aku kosong.. jiwa aku kosong.. dan ini mempengaruhi orang2 di sekeliling aku..

take for example..

faris..
dah brape kali entah aku gaduh2 ngan dye..
saying yg aku ni tak layak untuk jadi kakak dye sbb aku ni bukan la kakak yang baek..
aku slalu cite masalah aku kat dye..
dan aku rase seperti seorang yang tak gune sbb dye asyik kena dengar masalah aku pon..
dan dye tak pernah pun mengadu penat atau bosan mendenga masalah2 aku..
dan aku btol2 rasa macam seorang yg tak gune..
yelah.. kakak ape yang bebankan adik dye dgn masalah?


dan ade banyak benda yang going on in my life that aku rasa sangat lemas..
rasa mcm nk put a stop to all the shit that happen in my life
tp ak taktahu..
dan ak rasa aku lemas sorg2..

aku tahu yang semua manusia tak sempurna..
tapi dalam banyak2 manusia yang tak sempurna tu..
aku rasa akula yang paling tak sempurna..

dan aku rasa da banyak kali i'm considering about committing suicide..
some people would just say i'm stupid
or its idiotic..
yeah.. i noe..
but it seems like its the best options to end up all the misery that im feeling..
n i noe i m being selfish by doing it..
but im sure i dun leave too many broken hearts behind..

cause after all.. who am i? nothing.

sgt stres..

things have not go on a smooth road for me.. my counsellor is leaving.. so i'm may go crazy since takde psychologist a.k.a my big bro nk help me get a grip on myself.. ntahla.. things have gone so twisted that im caught n the middle with nothing but a broken heart and a tonne of guilt and sadness.. me bukan bad girl walaupun me rasa me bad.. me taw kesilapan me.. me taw i got a bad history.. tp x bermakna i ade bad future as well... u noe y org jahat keeps on repeating their crimes walaupun dyorg da kuar masuk penjara? sbb everyone look at them based on their past and never have faith that they can have a better future. so camne dyorg nak move on and have a better life bile dyorg tak diberi peluang pon untuk prove that they can be better than before. me cry and cry and cry sbb me rasa sgt kosong. org i care tinggalkan i, x percaya pada i atau gunakan i. n then everybody expects me to be strong after all the things i've been through. y???? ape i ni x layak nk ade hati dan perasaan dan rasa sedeyh n lemah after wat i've been through???

dah habis da tempoh edah!

30 may 2010
 sampai tarikh tu cukup 3 bulan 10 hari aku clash ngn dye.. kira dah habis tempoh edah la ni kononnya.. huk3.. wish things would be different.. korg taw x, dye ni taw yang i really love him.. and he has the nerves to say that he wants to hanya berseronok je ngan me.. memang saki hati tp i really have to say, thank u Mr. X sbb bg sy reason untuk sekurang2nye kurangkan perasaan syg pada awak dgn meninggikan perasaan benci sy pada awk.. i found a song by justin bieber tajuk "that should be me". agak touching lyric dye.. so.. harap korang enjoy..

THAT SHOULD BE ME

Ouuuuuuu

ouuuuuuuu

Everybody's laughing in my mind,

Rumors spreading 'bout this other guy girl,

Do you do what you did when you

did with me?

Does he love you the way I can?

Did you forget all the plans

that you made with me?

'cause baby I didn't!

That should be me,

Holdin' your hand,

That should be me

Makin' you laugh,

That should be me,

This is so sad,

That should be me,

That should be me,

That should be me,

Feelin' your kiss,

That should be me,

Buyin' you gifts,

This is so wrong,

I can't go on,

Till you believe that,

That should be me

Ouuuuuuu

ouuuuuuuu

That should be me,

Yeah,

You said you needed a little time

For my mistakes,

It's funny how you used that time

To have me replaced,

Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies

Whatcha doin' to me,

You're takin' him her where we used to go,

Now if you're tryin' to break my heart,

It's working 'cause you know that,...

Chorus:

That should be me,

Holdin' your hand,

That should be me,

Makin' you laugh,

That should be me,

This is so sad,

That should be me,

That should be me,

That should be me,

Feelin' your kiss,

That should be me ,

Buyin' you gifts,

This is so wrong,

I can't go on,

Till you believe that,

That should be me

I need to know should I fight

For our love for this long

It's getting harder to shield

This pain in my heart!!!

Chorus:

That should be me,

Holdin' your hand,

That should be me,

Makin' you laugh,

That should be me,

This is so sad,

That should be me,

That should be me,

That should be me,

Feelin' your kiss,

That should be me,

Buyin' you gifts,

This is so wrong,

I can't go on,

Till you believe that,

That should be me,

Holding your hand,

That should be me,

Oh i makin you laugh, oh Baby,

That should be me,

(that should be me givin you flowers)

That should be me,

Talking by hours,that should be me, that should be me,

that should be me

Never should've let you go,!

I never should've let you go,!

That should be me!! x3

Never should've let you go

That should be me!! x3

kenangan pahit..

terdengar satu lagu kat radio yang bg me tersangat la mendescribe what i really feel.. betrayed.. huk3.. :'( so now.. let me share ngn korang.. dipersilakan.. shontelle - impossible..

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear

I know, I know

And now when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible!

Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did..

picca time!!!

ari ni last day minggu RIP IRP kitorang. for those yg taktaw IRP tu menatang pe, IRP tu stands for intensive revision program which to tell u the truth, is quite stressful at times.. so ramai2 pakat amik gambar.. rase cam happy.. n bebas sbb pasni ikot ske aku la nak study ape.

#1 ni farahin aka bawang merah. hehe. bukti keriangan melampau  

#2  ni me n my close frens lam kelas, azie and ayuni

#3 ni me and my rumet, azie and ain!

#4 ni moto kitorg! saya mesti terbang!

hehehehe.. tu je nak cakap..

.:new updates:.

hehehe.. just nak update a few events yg dah berlaku in my life..

1. i made a public oath on my social network. it goes something like this.

"mulai hari ni, saya declare : tak wujud lg Mr. X dalam hidup saya. anda dibenarkan untuk menyepak terajang saya andai saya bersedih disebabkan nama itu. harap maklum."

hehehe.. please.. i really need lots n lots of good hard-ass kick sbb i kept on crying sbb dye.

2. i went shopping for groceries and its fun! bought lotsa things smpai penoh satu trolley..

ni pic yg aku amik..

cam sedih je pokok ni..

lau korg perasan ade burung2 atas pokok ni

3. ada majlis restu aritu.. hehe.. agak terharu when mothers yg i tak kenal wish me luck and pray for my success. some even hug me close as though i matter the world to them. i'm touched!

ni sesi berceramah oleh mak aku kepada kawan2 aku. huahua.. aku dah lari siap2 da.. :D

so inilah event2 yg telah berlaku lately.. t ble aku berjaya meng'upload' more pic aku tunjuk kat korg.

adios amigos!

tibe2..

tibe2 hati ni teringat sangat kat dye.. tengah duduk termenung dengar lagu dekat hp depan pizza hut centrepoint seremban.. tibe2 recording petikan gitar yang selalu dye bagi kat aku dulu bermain di hp.. serta merta air mata bergenang.. betapa aku rindukan dye.. satu demi satu aku dengar.. dan air mata mule menitis.. hati mule menyalahkan diri sendiri.. kenapalah aku x cantik? kenapa aku x kurus?  kenapalah mesti die tinggalkan aku? ape kurangnya aku dengan sal? pergh.. touching giler ar.. nasib baek bukn ade kat lam bilik atau lam shower.. mau cry me a river jugak la.. siyes rindukan dye sgt2.. lau tak pikir sakit hati, tak pikir ego, tak pikir harga diri, dah lama aku rampas dye.. takpon jadi awek no 2 dye.. apape je la asalkan dpt dye.. tp nak wat cmne.. i'm better than that.. so.. in the spirit of taknak lagi jadi mangsa deraan jiwa oleh Mr. X.. aku nak show kat korg a inspirational lyric yg i bet u guys mesti taw..

Destiny's Child

Survivor

Now that you're out of my life

I'm so much better

You thought that I'd be weak without you

But I'm stronger

You thought that I'd be broke without you

But I'm richer

You thought that I'd be sad without you

I laugh harder

You thought I wouldn't grow without you

Now I'm wiser

Though that I'd be helpless without you

But I'm smarter

You thought that I'd be stressed without you

But I'm chillin'

You thought I wouldn't sell without you

Sold 9 million

( chorus )

I'm a survivor (What?)

I'm not gon give up (What?)

I'm not gon stop (What?)

I'm gon work harder (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)

I'm gonna make it (What?)

I will survive (What?)

Keep on survivin' (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)

I'm not gon give up (What?)

I'm not gon stop (What?)

I'm gon work harder (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)

I'm gonna make it (What?)

I will survive (What?)

Keep on survivin' (What?)

Thought I couldn't breathe without

I'm inhaling

You thought I couldn't see without you

Perfect vision

You thought I couldn't last without you

But I'm lastin'

You thought that I would die without you

But I'm livin'

Thought that I would fail without you

But I'm on top

Thought it would be over by now

But it won't stop

Thought that I would self destruct

But I'm still here

Even in my years to come

I'm still gon be here

( repeat chorus )

I'm wishin' you the best

Pray that you are blessed

Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gon blast you on the radio

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gon lie on you and your family

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines

('m better than that)

I'm not gon compromise my dignity

(I'm better than that)

You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet

Cause my mama taught me better than that

( repeat chorus )

Oh (oh) oh (oh)...

After of all of the darkness and sadness

Soon comes happiness

If I surround my self with positive things

I'll gain prosperity

( repeat chorus )

 
hehehe.. so come on! lets sing together..

alhamdulillah..

despite me having a serious heartbreak over this two months which i must admit, affected my mood during the trial exam week, i managed to make it through the trials with a C for each subject ( maths, literature and sociology). yeah, yeah, i know it's not much, but still.. at least i dun get any E's or D's.. ALHAMDULILLAH...

i got..

maths : 59%

sociology : 65%

literature : 66%

need to improve on my maths. Ms. Zalina have been giving me "The Look" and it scares me. i definitely don't want to piss off a pregnant maths teacher, that's for sure. feel hungry lately.. mungkin sbab bendera jepun dah nk datang kot..

anyway, sakit hati dengan nyamuk and semut kerana telah menggigit tubuh ku smpai dah macam kena dera je.. huhuh.. xde belas kasihan langsung. huh! xmau kawan.

malam ni siapla kau. aku dah bersedia menunggu kehadiran kau dengan ridsect di tangan. muahahahahah!

supernatural..

do u guys believe in supernatural a.k.a ghost, spirits, hantu, pocong and a those horror tales that exist whether in the malay culture or whatever culture in the world?

i do

maybe coz i came from a family who actually deals with it. u see, my mom can see things, my dad can help someone who are being bothered by things, my sister and i used to be the victims, so yeah.. i do believe in it.

anyway, y do i say all this?

let me share with u a secret. my secret. something.

im fascinated with supernatural stuff.

whether its tv show or real thing, i memang berminat. i wonder why?

so.. if u guys ade interesting story, care to share with me.. coz i will tell u tales from my own experience if u tell me urs. :)