Aiyoo

It's voting time for Malaysian today. Not me though. I'm not Malaysian.

KIDDING.

Some idiot went and registered my name under physical voter although I was supposed to do it via post. Bah. Not that I know who to vote though. So much politics when talking about politics, sometimes I feel that it's best to just sit back and watch the world burn.

Just finished my 2000 words assignment. Even though I have no idea what I wrote. Let's hope I didn't crash and burn. I'm gonna take the night off from all the academic world, and spend some time with my love one. Then it's back to studying for my Wednesday test. And another assignment. Sigh. It feels like it's never ending. Aiyooooo.

35 days for home.

35 more days to see u :)

What if?

I don't how many times I've written about letting go. Letting go the ones you love, whether it's for their best or you.. Letting go a good thing because you might get better.. Letting go hatred because it's destroying you... Letting go love because you don't think there's anything worth keeping.. so many letting go..

I found someone I can't afford to let go. Not in a million years. The question is: Is he worth the sacrifices I'm going to make?

Is he the one?

How do you know he's the one?

What if you make the wrong decision?

What if your decision creates problems?

What if, what if, what if?


So many questions, so little answer.

I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt. But little did I realize, I'm actually hurting someone else while figuring out life. You know how hurting someone else is the last thing I want to do.

Especially this one.

Emotionally walking away.

I heard this on House MD season 5 episode 21 (maybe?). It struck me with the truth. The truth that I've been trying to avoid from accepting.

I'm walking away, emotionally, from everyone I love.

And what do I achieve from that, you may ask. I don't know. Maybe I'm hoping that if I did this, people will walk away from me. People that I'm afraid to leave because it will hurt them, so I'd rather them leaving me.. Less blame on me I guess.

I think I don't deserve to be loved. Sure, I'm happy if people love me. Who doesn't? I'm not that crazy yet.

I don't know. I'm confused.

I'm clingy. I'm needy. But I'm also detached. And independent. And right now.. I don't know who I am anymore.

Test.

Today I have linguistic test. It's about first language acquisition in children. Basically we'll be tested for our knowledge on the linguistic terms and theory.

Truth be told, I don't have any mood at all for this test. All I'm looking forward are day off.

Any day off.

I don't know if it's the cloudy days or the fact that I'm feeling a little under the weather, but I want to go somewhere far away and sit under a rock and never come out. Yet at the same time I want to be around people and hug them and laugh. I miss laughing.

This is my worry at the moment. 

Song.

I downloaded Eminem songs into my phone.

It's awesome to be able to rap and pretend you're him when the truth is you're just mumbling shit.

Caught a coughing fit. I'm thinking of skipping class. What do you think?


Should I? (Under the excuse of "I can study more if I don't go to class")




Yeah right.

Cold.

I'm like a hotdog. All rolled up in my duvet, as if I'm begging to be eaten alive! I am that delicious.

Just kidding.

This is the time where most people in Wellington becomes indecisive.


To wear jacket or not to wear jacket, that is the question.

If you wear it, it's too hot. If you don't wear it, it's too cold. What should do. Wear half and the other just leave it hanging?

Humans. Nothing please 'em long enough.

Life so far.

Life is good. Just finished a dancing performance and it was amazing. Sure, we have lots of mistake, but we made it with only one week practice and started choreographing it from scratched. I called that an achievement.

I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago. Took me 2 weeks to heal. Well, I'm not limping anymore, but you can say that nothing will ever be the same again. I really need someone to massage it. Any takers?

I got no plans for Easter. I was supposed to go on an Easter trip with Jijie but he has better things to do (lol. jk. I'm sure he has important stuff to do although he refused to share what it is.) That reminds me, I need to call him and catch up and be like "Whaddup yo!"

I'm bored.

I got class tomorrow at 9am. I should sleep.

Eyes. Y U NO SLEEPY??

Here.

I've arrived in Welly.

You know how I feel about it?

I miss it. Like I miss myself.

Eventhough the drunkens outside are screaming and shouting. At least they're laughing.

Eventhough the wind is chilling you to your bones. At least it's a beautiful night.

I love Welly.

Love it love it love it.

28.

3 more days.

Can't wait to go back home. To smell the sea. To feel the wind. To see loved ones.

Just another 3 more days.



And I'm off.

Imagine.

They say there's no limit to imagination. It's boundless. We can dream up to the sky and beyond.

Try imagine a new colour then.

Can you?

Because I can't.

I'm thinking that there's no possibility of a new colour. Because if there is, God would have put it among all the colours in the world. Don't you think so?

Internet.

Sangat slow.

Sangat menyaikokan diri.

Translation: Slow internet, it's torturous.


Yes, I'm sort of the new generation who finds internet so addictive. Even stupid things becomes fascinating. Even idiotic sayings sounds intelligent. Our brains are rotting!

I bet that whichever zombies that ate our brain will have constipation and will become dumber and dumber by the day.


Trust me.

Lappy.

I'm losing my lappy. My life. My soul.

I'm kidding.

My lappy is NOT my soul.

But I'm losing it. Sigh. As in my lappy. Not my soul.


If you get what I mean?

Friend.

Friend can be many things.

They can either be...

Manipulative, conniving, backstabbing, selfish, cunning, cheater, loser, jerk, douchebag, pretentious, conspicuous, slutty, bitch, asshole, two-timing, thieves, hooligans, bullies, shithead, etc..

or they can be...

Sweet, lovely, caring, trustworthy, appreciates you, willing to sacrifice for you, be there for you, a good listener, give shoulder to cry on, offer advices, respectful, doesn't screw you over and over again, etc..

I discovered a good friend today.

Someone I might be able to trust with all the things I've been hiding from the world. Things that I am too scared to face it by myself.

To you know who..

Thank you.

Ciri2 lelaki idaman

1. Hormat perempuan
2. Tak memaksa saya untuk menjadi kurus. Saya akan kurus bila saya nak kurus. 
3. Boleh jadi seorang ketua keluarga yang baik, ayah yang mampu mendidik anak-anak dan suami yang mampu membimbing saya ke arah yang lebih baik
4. Percaya dengan saya (biarpun tak sepenuhnya, tapi giving me the benefit of the doubt and believing that I can do something that I want to do)
5. Mulut manis. (Hahaha)
6. Boleh buat saya menangis teresak2, tapi mampu buat saya ketawa gila2 lepas tu.
7. Buat saya rasa macam saya sanggup dan mampu panjat gunung Everest untuk dia.
8. Sokong saya dalam apa yang saya lakukan, melainkan kalau perkara itu memudaratkan. 
9. Tahu saya luar dan dalam, dan faham isi tersirat saya. 
10. Buat saya senyum macam orang gila.
11. Memahami yang walaupun saya ini seorang yang kuat dan tabah, saya tetap memerlukan sesorang untuk menjadi lebih kuat dan tabah untuk saya. 
12. Boleh melihat di sebalik topeng-topeng saya. 

Dan yang paling penting.. 

Terima saya seadanya, baik dan buruk, masa depan atau masa lampau, suka dan duka sehingga ke akhirnya.. 

p/s This is a post written long time ago but I just couldn't post it up before due to lack of courage and a strong self-realization that I'm dreaming of a perfect man. Then I realized, what the hell, who cares? This are things I like in a guy who is unfortunately being split up and a part of him is embedded inside many people. Since it's not possible to marry more than one guy, I'll take my chances and trust Allah with whatever he planned for me. 

         

Unload.

I'm happy today.

Alhamdullillah. Just when things started to roll downhill, Allah saved me from doom. He granted me good friends to laugh over silly things and to share life dilemmas.

Oh. Today's Anis's birthday.

*Happy birthday!*

This girl has been in my life since 2004 and is one of my oldest friend who are still in touch with me. Though I couldn't offer much other than bad love advices or crappy hook ups, I'm grateful to have her in my life. She's sweet, and although she didn't really share much, you can see from her eyes that she's been through a lot of things in her life and I always, always wish that she'll be happy wherever she goes.

*Fave pic of the day*

We went to Ikea, sat on one of the couches and started acting as if we're at home. We rolled about on the couch, took self-shots, laughed like mad and life felt good. We totally ignored strangers walking by and stopping to either stare at us or check out the prices of the displays. hahaha.

Thank you Allah, for giving me some strength to go on with life by letting me have them. :)

Sebal.

Hati sebal.

Sebal sesangat.

Ada orang tanya, sebal tu apa? Ha adik2. Meh sini. Duduk keliling nenek, biar nenek cerita sebal tu apa.

Sebal tu perasaan buruk. Sebal tu boleh membuatkan seseorang yang ceria bertukar menjadi duka. Sebal juga boleh menjadikan seseorang itu berperasaan seperti mahu menjahanamkan segala harta benda yang dilihatnya.

Ha, bahaya kan sebal ni? Nenek da cakap.

Ada banyak jenis reaksi orang apabila dia berasa sebal. Ada yang memang menjahanamkan harta benda awam, ada yang tak layan perasaan ni dan ada yang senyum di luar, ribut di dalam.

Ha adik2.. Golongan orang yang pertama dan kedua ni boleh dikatakan sebagai golongan orang yang kurang stres. Yang satu sebab dia da lepas, yang kedua sebab dia tak ambil perasaan sebal tu dan bawa ke hati.

Yang ketiga ni.. Adik2 kena jaga2. Ni la golongan2 yang adik2 perlu berhati2. Mereka2 yang dari golongan ketiga ni cukup pandai memakai topeng. Dan mungkin juga golongan yang paling berpotensi dapat darah tinggi.

So adik2.. Anda dari golongan mana?

Dirt.

I felt like dirt.

You know, not the kind of dirt that people kiss and cried with joy after missing land for so long.

The kind that people took for granted that it is under their feet ever since they were born.

Sigh.

Heartache. Loneliness. Envy. Regret. Everything is rolled up into a giant ball of pain. It's so big that it's so heavy to pick it up and carry it around in my life. I wish I'm one of those people who don't really think of consequences. Just get up and do it. Whatever it is, whenever it is. Live in the present.

How lovely the sky looks like from down here. I'm blessed to be able to even dream of the sky.

Life.

Lately I've been so frustrated with all the pitstops in my life.

No, calling it pitstops would be like giving it too much credits. It's more like holes on the road, big and deep holes.

Like for example, mom never let me drive. And if she does, it would be because there is no other options left. She sets up conditions when I said I want to drive, yet never actually allows me to drive within those conditions. I'm like.. seriously?

Or when I planned something ahead only to be thwarted by other people's impulsive actions. That is like.. No. no. no.

And now the latest one.. Runny nose.

Sigh. Be strong.. be stroonnggg

Virus.

There's a virus going around, infecting single people. 

Symptoms?

- Sighing with longings when looking at people who are deeply in love

- Always having sudden thoughts of "What will it be like if I get married now?" and continue dreaming on from there.

- Imagining what your wedding day will be like 

- Imagining what will your significant other will look like

These are only some of the symptoms of the virus that's infecting people. This virus, my friend, is what we called as 

Wedding Fever

If you're infected, please don't panic. The first thing you need to do when you've identified yourself as being infected with this virus, is snap out of your dreams, get your head out of the clouds and start feeling the grounds. 

If you already have plans and are on your way to your wedding day, congratulations. There's only one step left. 

If you're single by choice like me, let's be realistic. We're not ready for that. Or a relationship. That's why we're single till now.

If you're single and it's not by your choice... Keep hoping. Who knows, love might be just around the corners, ready to jump on you when you least expected. 

Note: To all my possible suitors out there!

I'm a very easily confused girl. If you are really sure you want me to be your wife for life, be prepared to accept me, all my sweetness and bitterness, my calmness and agressiveness, good and bad, present, past or future. Accept me and never judge me, and you'll get someone who will stick by you till the end, through thick and thin, through storms and hails. You'll get someone who'll love you to pieces, no matter what kind of shits. 

Just be my everything. 

Ancient

It's been a while since I last wrote. Not that I have nothing to write about but more like the same old shits that happened. Which life seemed to have a great laugh throwing it at me.

New update.
I'm back at home. Just for a couple of months. Summer holidays, yeah. This time it wasn't as fun as last holiday. I feel more shitty and emotional and helpless. Like a little greedy baby who wants more out of life but is helpless to get it. Well, I do have the energy, and I know I can find a way to get what I want, but I don't have the courage to go for it. It's complicated. Try and be me if you want to understand more about it.

Funny how at times you want to bare your soul out to the world when you feel like no one's watching but deep inside, you pray that someone notices your cries for help and listen to you. And not react out of sympathy.. Well maybe some sympathy would be nice.

It's ironic how you want people to pity what you've been through yet your pride stands in the way and push away people. You don't want pity, yet you want their attention.

I'm feeling shitty, hence the random post.

I want to be noticed, and also invisible at the same time. Invisibly visible or visibly invisible. Is there such thing?

God, help me grow strong. Let me stay true at least to myself.