Emotionally walking away.

I heard this on House MD season 5 episode 21 (maybe?). It struck me with the truth. The truth that I've been trying to avoid from accepting.

I'm walking away, emotionally, from everyone I love.

And what do I achieve from that, you may ask. I don't know. Maybe I'm hoping that if I did this, people will walk away from me. People that I'm afraid to leave because it will hurt them, so I'd rather them leaving me.. Less blame on me I guess.

I think I don't deserve to be loved. Sure, I'm happy if people love me. Who doesn't? I'm not that crazy yet.

I don't know. I'm confused.

I'm clingy. I'm needy. But I'm also detached. And independent. And right now.. I don't know who I am anymore.